Never making it into the Promised Land

But the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you did not trust in me enough to honor me as holy in the sight of the Israelites, you will not bring this community into the land I give them.” 

Numbers 20:12

Moses didn't make it into the Promised Land. It's true. He didn't physically go into the land that was promised in that moment to the Israelites.  He stood at a high place and peered into what had been promised, but he didn't make it in. His disobedience kept him out and he died. It's recorded in Deuteronomy.

Then Moses climbed Mount Nebo...There the Lord showed him the whole land...Then the Lord said to him, “This is the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I said, ‘I will give it to your descendants.’ I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it.”     And Moses the servant of the Lord died there in Moab, as the Lord had said. He buried him in Moab, in the valley opposite Beth Peor, but to this day no one knows where his grave is. Moses was a hundred and twenty years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone. The Israelites grieved for Moses in the plains of Moab thirty days, until the time of weeping and mourning was over.

 Deuteronomy 34:1-8 

Moses did not physically enter the promised land, but I say he did make it in.  Moses' made it in the Promised Land in the hearts and souls of the people he led out of Egypt.  His departure left a void - left a crack in the community. Joshua didn't fill it. Joshua couldn't fill it. No one could. It was a Moses-shaped crack that was to be held by the community.  

I suppose that's partially why God hid his frame (his body) so that no one would demand to physically hold him.  We are to hold the space of the leaders before us in our hearts and souls, by living out and practicing what they have taught us. That is how they move forward with us.  Each and everyone of us is made up of the people who have poured their lives into ours, in the seasons that they have been with us.  We have the wonderful task of holding the space that was crafted and molded by them, even when they are gone.   That's how we honor them. That's how we hold them even when they have departed. 

There's something else though.  Moses was not kept from THE Promised Land.  

After six days Jesus took with him Peter, James and John the brother of James, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. There he was transfigured before them. His face shone like the sun, and his clothes became as white as the light. Just then there appeared before them Moses and Elijah, talking with Jesus.  

Matthew 17:1-3

Thousands of years later, Moses is seen on the Mount of Transfiguration, as a vision from God.  God had not forsaken Moses. While the physical, geographical Promised Land was out of his reach, he was enveloped in the eternal Promise! Israel went on.  Israel never forgot him. They were changed forever by him.  They held the space that he had crafted within their hearts and stepped into the Promised Land.

Although we may not go into the geographical Promised Land, we are not removed from the Promise! And although we lose people, we can trust in the Promise of redemption, restoration and reconciliation! Not just trust in it, but live into it!

Dating China

Last winter, my husband and I visited a charming antique shop in Westfield, NY.  Window-shopping at antique stores and sometimes buying is one of our hobbies, even our children love to do it.  We've been known to take entire day trips just driving around here in Ohio to check out old treasures. Of course, antiquing in the Ohio area is way different than antiquing in New York.  This store had real antiques, centuries old items gathered and cataloged from our past. Part of our fascination with antiquing is the story - speaking with the current owners about the pieces, how they acquired them, what they know about them, etc.  On this day in NY, we began to chat with this store owner about his story - his store, which was located in the oldest building in Chautauqua County. Very quickly we moved onto discussing how it is that older women come across their heirlooms that we now celebrate and seek out.  He had funny stories to tell. He said something that day that made complete sense but it wasn't until yesterday that God began to show me the spiritual implications of what he was saying.
     I have my grandmother's china. It's about 50 years old.  I know this because I value story and I know how it came to be in her hands.  My husband's mother has china that was her mothers, the story of how it came to her hands is a little less known.  So we are left for the most part to guess at its age and value.  Countless numbers of people are left in this situation of not knowing the story of the pieces they have in their possession.  This gentleman talked about this very thing.  He explained that people come into his store pretty regularly with their grandmothers china and grandma would have been 90. They are anticipating and boasting that their china must be nearly 100 years old and worth a great deal.  He often has to disappoint them and here's why.  It's rare that we have truly old generational china in America -- china that was great great grandmas.  We have china that was our grandmothers or at best her mothers.  So here's what he said, "If Grandma is 80 or 90, and it was her china.  At best it's 60 years old, but probably between 40-60 years old.  Grandma didn't buy china when she was born.  Grandma bought china in her early 30's, after she was married and settled down, bought a home, after she had grown up a bit, learned the value of things, had a child or two and began to understand the idea of investment. And she usually bought in pieces as she could afford it."
     That is so true. Something happens in our 30's - there's a shift in us, a maturing of sorts.  No matter how young we start our "adult life", it's not until our thirties that we truly begin to see great strides in our paths.  Consider Jesus.  We know very little of his life before 30.  The stories before that were of his birth (Luke 1:1-20; Matthew 1) and of an inconsiderate boy who basically ran away, scaring the crap out of his parents (Luke 2:41-52). It was at 30 that he presented himself to the world. Perhaps it was at 30 that he had finally grown up, settled down, learned the value of things and understood the idea of kingdom investment.
     Now I'm not suggesting that before 30 we have no chance for wise choices or great strides towards a better future.  Of course, great things happen. Throughout our young life we gather pieces of the puzzle that we begin to put together more fully as we settle down, learn the value of things and understand investment in others and in our world.
     So let me tie this up to where these ponderings left me yesterday.  If Grandmas don't buy china until their early 30's, if Jesus didn't make himself known or begin his ministry until his early 30's, if we acknowledge that something shifts within us in our early 30's, why do we expect 18 and 19 years to have it all together? To make all the "right" choices? To think first of the big picture?  It was in my teens that I made some of the worst choices in my life, but it was in my teens that I learned some of the greatest lessons in life that became pieces of the puzzle called my life. And it was in my teens that I felt some of the greatest judgment and began to wear layers and layers of shame and guilt.
     It wasn't until my 30's that I found freedom from both external condemnation and my own self-condemnation for the things that I had done.  It was when I was in my early thirties, after I was married and settled down, had bought homes, had grown up a little bit, learned the value of things, had a child or two or three that I began to truly understand the idea of kingdom investment.  Although I had had glimpses of this "grown-up-ness" before, it was in my early thirties that I began to understand the necessity of loving myself and loving others - to see people not through the lens of my expectations, but instead as a piece of grandma's fine china, holding the very image of God and having value beyond anything that I could imagine - irreplaceable, unique, worthy of love and guarding.  It was in my thirties that I learned compassion, deep real compassion that gives grace to even the worst of us, that gives love to the undeserving, that gives hope to the hopeless.  Compassion that gives protection to those the world sees as unworthy and brings about redemption in the most unexpected ways.
     Let us not forget that our lives are a journey. Every day we gather pieces of our story, like grandmas gather pieces of fine china.  Every moment we get to move a little closer to wholeness and redemption.  We get to make mistakes. We get to experience beauty.  We get to have moments of complete "rightness" and even in our moments of complete "wrongness" - our Creator, the God of the Universe delights in us! Smiles down upon us! Calling us towards him!

The Pendulum

I was walking in the park today with a dear friend. I love walks in the park, especially in the fall-- when the air is crisp and the colors speak of warmth, welcoming you into the glory all around. 
It seems to foster such great conversations. I bless G-d for the gift of the fall season. It is a visual reminder that, sometimes, things have to die for new life to come. 

Over my life, I have come to see-- and even experience-- that most Christians live their life in a pendulum (see image below).

At some point in our life, we have an experience with the Divine, and we come to have faith in a G-d. Fervently, we begin to chase after this G-d, because we heard her call to us.  We begin to say yes to everything. We jump head first into serving in any way that we can. We begin to take all of our talents and gifts and prescribe ways to ourselves to use those for his glory. We're anxious and willing to give our all to this G-d who gave his all and reached down to us. 

Eventually-- sometimes having spent years running ourselves ragged, attempting to do all the right things, say all the right things, be all the right things-- we discover that all those things that we had poured so hard into didn't fill the void. They didn't make us feel any better. They didn't change our life in any remarkable way, and we are left, once again, wondering how could this G-d of the universe really love us if we can't even get serving him right.

And so maybe we seek counsel in a friend or in a pastor, and they communicate to us that all we need to do is be still. Since we tried everything else, we decide to drop everything and begin to do nothing, because then maybe G-d will make things happen. She'll do all the work, and we can just be still. And the guilt of spending years chasing after G-d and "failing" weighs down even more. Stillness  becomes self-loathing, and we are left with nothing to believe other than it's hopeless, because even in our stillness we can't get anything right.

Now, you're probably thinking that this is an easy fix. These people just need to find a balance between being and doing. If the pendulum would just swing to the middle, instead of being on the extreme of either side: doing everything to please this G-d or just being still to please him-- this person would be okay, and they would have found the sweet spot of Christianity. Balance would have come.

This isn't true. The pendulum that we spend our time living on needs to be torn down. It is not that we are swinging in an unhealthy pattern; it is that the frictionless pivot of the pendulum itself is false.

You see, this pendelum's pivot is that I must find a way to make G-d love me. I either have to repay him-- by giving him all that I am,  by saying yes to everything-- and he will be happy with me. He will say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant." Or on the stillness side, I talk myself into my complete unworthiness, because I am remaining still, and yet G-d isn't doing anything. Nothing within me is getting better. I don't feel his love any more than I did before.

The pendulum is faulty. Its frictionless pivot actually creates a life of friction. A life with Christ is not about pleasing the Master. It is not about being sure to have all things right so that he will love me. We must tear this pendulum down. We must not waste our time trying to find a balance, because there is no balance on it.

Instead, we are called to the Shema.

Hear o Israel
The Lord our G-d
the Lord is one
Love the Lord your G-d
with all your heart
and with all your soul
and with all your strength
and love your neighbor as yourself

We are called to believe and to trust and to know that the G-d of the universe loves us more than we could ever imagine or measure. There is nothing we can do to earn that. Likewise, there is nothing we can do that will make him take it away.

If there be a pendulum that we should rest in, the frictionless pivot is this-- the unconditional love that G-d has for us. From that place, we hang. From the very knowledge that the love of G-d is pouring into us, we are able to live in the swing of the Shema. Not seeking to please G-d, but to just love him with all that we are, and to commit to loving our neighbors as we love ourselves, wholly and completely.

Which pivot are you swinging on?

Welcome

I have been contemplating starting a blog for well over a year now.  I haven't known what to call it or even what I would say on it, but I felt a clear sense of just beginning one.  The name "Shut Up, Sharon!" came to me a couple of months ago when I was speaking with a friend, who is an author/speaker/pastor/guru.

This blog will serve as a place for me to get my thoughts out, share my insights and ramble about things that concern me, bug me or bring me joy.  By the time you finish reading each post, you might in full disbelief and in true Princess Diaries form say, "shut up!" Or you might in complete disgust find yourself feeling like Kindergarten Cop yelling, "shut up! Either way, the beauty of the things I write is that you don't have to agree. In fact, I guarantee there will be things that drive you crazy.

So here goes. Wish me luck. Stop by check it out. Leave comments.