Discipleship as gift-giving

Several years ago, these plates were given to me as a gift as I departed a call and moved into the next season of my journey.  The gift-giver communicated that she had handmade these treasures to reflect all of the things that I had somehow taught her about herself and about G-d.  She admittedly isn't a crafty person, so creating something like this made it all the more special to me.  Today, they hang over my desk, right in plain sight as a reminder, not of what I've accomplished, but instead that I'm learning the same things.  You see, the beauty of discipleship is that you do life together, truly an "iron sharpens iron" experience.  The very words that she felt she learned from me, I had learned from her. 

     These plates have come to be part of my most treasured gifts because they remind me daily of where my strength comes from. They remind me daily that I am not alone.  They remind me that my story matters and that G-d has been all over it, even in the darkest of times. 
     When a gift is given does the giver know the impact of the gift? In a society that prides itself in allowing the receiver to pick it's own gift, how is there even opportunity for the giver to know the weight of what they have given?  My local grocery store has a kiosk of gift cards from any place imaginable. When  you don't know what to give someone, allowing them to choose their own gift via a gift card or even cash, seems to make sense.  But oh, the gifts that someone has thought out, the gifts that speak a piece of their heart to yours.  Those are the gifts that impact. Those are the gifts that change the world. 
     Discipleship is like gift-giving.  The receiver shouldn't be choosing their own gift, but instead the giver imparts a gift that touches the darkness of our lives.  Why is this important? Because as receivers, it's unlikely that we would choose a gift that transforms everything within us.  

     In discipleship, we give of ourselves, our story, our journey and we give it to one another.  It's in that journey together that we decrease, that we learn our poverty and our dependence, not just on G-d, but on one another as well.  It's in the giving of our whole selves that we learn.  

     We learn...

"G-d's love can always be trusted, and  His faithfulness lasts as long as the heavens." 

"The Lord was always there..."

"When I felt all alone, He was there..." 

"We had no one to turn to or depend on but the Lord..." 

"I will praise you again because You help me and You are my G-d." 

"When I am hurting, I find comfort in your promise that leads to life." 

"G-d showed me..." 

"I don't know what I would have done without Him" 

"Daily, I draw my strength from the Lord..." 

"My power and my strength come from the Lord, and He has saved me."

My Demon Cat is stealing my soul while I basket-weave underwater with mohawked snowmen...

Well, if that isn't the most random blog title ever! All thanks can be given to my wonderful friends who give me topics when topics seem to lack

Topics: My demon cat is stealing my soul, underwater basket-weaving and Mohawked snowmen - GO!

Since my son was about six years old he has said "when my dad dies, I'm getting a cat!" He loves cats. His dad does not.  Every time my kids have brought up the idea of a cat, their dad has shut them down with excuses. Bottom line: he hates cats.  My son is ten now and his older sister is nineteen.  They conspired, compiled money and
in June, despite their dad's grumblings, Frankie the Siamese kitten came home.  (The Demon Cat as my friend calls him) It turns out the boy didn't  have to wait until his dad died, so that's good. And it turns out that cat sure does love daddy!

It was seven years ago that my boy and his dad created this mohawked snowman in our front yard. It was created to look like our friend that sports a mohawk and usually has a Pabst Blue Ribbon in his hand.  They were so proud of this creation! Every year now our snowmen have mohawks.

So how do I tie this all together?

Well, Christmas isn't what I want it to be. It's kinda like my husband having a cat despite his wishes. Truth is - Christmas hasn't been the same since my grandma passed away.  With each passing year, I find myself a little less "in the spirit." At one point my home had seven Christmas trees. Now, I struggle to get up the one.  I would love for my house to be decked the way it always used to be, but I just don't have time or even the want to make it happen.  I'd love to say that the demon cat is stealing my soul, but this problem existed way before Frankie.

As I age, winter is dragging me down.  I love building snowmen (especially cute ones with mohawks!) I love sledding, ice skating, seeing the Christmas lights. But I dislike the cold, the lack of sun, and the darkness.  Through this season I just feel like I don't measure up to all the pretty cards I've received, the homes of friends that are beautifully decorated, or all the bake goods that fill my Facebook feed. It seems that everywhere, but my house, people are making fantastic Christmas memories. On most days, I feel like taking up underwater basket-weaving would be easier than trying to fulfill all the Christmas expectations that I have for myself, not to mention the demands of others.

So topics escape me right now and I turn to my friends for inspiration! My demon cat is stealing my soul while I ponder basket-weaving underwater with mohawked snowmen! You see, we aren't alone! We may feel that way, but truth is, we all struggle. We all, at some point, secretly feel as if we don't measure up. In the times where I struggle, I try my best to reach out to friends. I depend on relationships to perk me up! I look to my friends and my family to make me laugh, to make me smile, to show me love and let me show them love. Christmas is different and I'm learning to be okay with that.

Faith in what?

SCRIPTURE:

"Jesus rebuked the demon, and it came out of the boy, and he was healed from that moment. Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?" He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."  

~ Matthew 17:18-20

THOUGHTS:

I used to wear a glass pendant around my neck that contained a mustard seed, as a reminder to myself to keep that tiny measure of faith.  In the darkest of hours, it is often hard to do.

A few years back I was teaching at a local rescue mission on this passage.  The women listening were women who knew G-d or at least had an idea of who G-d was. Their understanding of G-d was skewed and marred by their often times horrible experiences with well-meaning Christians. Most had never read the Bible, although it had been used as a weapon against them.  Many had never heard this passage and all of them had never seen a mustard seed. They had imagined in their hearts and minds that this seed that Jesus spoke of must have been huge. It must have been some magical, unobtainable seed that only the most religious, the most righteous, or the least broken could achieve.  And broken they were, so the ability to overcome seemed so out of touch, completely out of the question to their reality.  

The next day, I took a jar of mustard seeds from my pantry and decided I would show them.  A moment that highlighted my privilege - I have a pantry. I have seen a mustard seed. These women never had that chance, until this day.  So I took the jar and I gave each woman this tiny seed without telling them what they were. I just placed one in each of their hands and asked them to hold it, to be careful to not drop it or lose it.  When everyone had theirs in their hand, I said, "If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move.'"

There were not many words that day, mostly tears and silence as these women for the first time realized that Jesus didn't require all that they had thought or all that they had been told.  This idea of faith became in that moment simple to them. It became obtainable to them.  There was nothing magical or out of reach anymore, but instead if they could just muster up a sliver of hope for their future, they could say to the mountains of their lives, 'Move.'

Over and over when Jesus tells us to have faith, I often times wonder who He's asking us to have faith in?  You see, these ladies had no faith in themselves.  Sure, it was easy to know that there is a G-d and we've all heard stories of Jesus. And deep down we all want to believe in a Savior, to believe in something bigger and better than ourselves.  They had no problem believing in G-d. Their problem was believing that there is a G-d who believed in them. Their problem was believing in themselves.

The disciples believed in Jesus. I mean, come on, they gave up everything to follow Him.   They left their families, their jobs, their homes and they followed this rebel Rabbi.  They had faith.  I do not believe for a second that Jesus was accusing them of not believing in Him.  But instead, Jesus was asking them to believe in themselves, to see what He saw in them, to believe that they were worthy and that they could move mountains. 

Can we believe in ourselves? Can we have a sliver of hope, a mustard seed of faith that we can change the world? Or even just that we can change our own destiny? Can we have a mustard seed of faith that allows us to move the mountains of addiction, the mountains of abuse, the mountains of shame and guilt? Can we have a mustard seed of faith to believe that healing and restoration within ourselves and our communities is possible?

That day at the rescue mission these women not only held a mustard seed in their hand, but they opened a piece of their hearts, if only the size of a mustard seed, to believe that they could move mountains. 

ACTION:

  If we can just believe in ourselves enough to realize that we are worthy of love, that we are worthy of restoration, that we are worthy of the fullness of G-d, we can change the world.  May I find the mustard seed within myself and allow it bloom into compassion, mercy and love for our world.