Every single day I live under the stress of what will people think. I live my life publicly, on a stage of sorts, and that means I live under a microscope. Some days I detest that microscope; longing to be just another person, who doesn't have people depending on them for the care of their souls. Other days, I love the microscope. It holds me accountable to the virtues that I profess. And on all days, good or bad, I love my calling to be that person who cares for the souls of others. So on those bad days when the mechanical stage of the microscope has been raised to the max and the objective lens magnifies my every move, I can't help but feel that I've failed in some way to live up to the standard people demand of me. Sometimes on those days, I've done all the things I know to be true and right and yet, it wasn't enough for the people peering in the eyepiece, as much as they have focused in, somehow their lens is still blurred and they cannot truly see me or G-d in me.
When you live on the mechanical stage and your life is illuminated and investigated, there is only one thing that will get you through the day. You trust that you have a calling and that the only lens that matters is the lens through which G-d sees you.
You learn that there will be people who bless you and there will be people who curse you. You can be doing everything right and this will still be the reality. You can be in the gutter or you can be on the mountaintop, people will bless you and people will curse you because at the end of the day it's not about you. It's about them and their heart. It is not your job to seek the affirmation. It is not your job to try to force blessings from people. It is not your job to convert people's behaviors and choices.
It is your job to be yourself. It is your job to do what you are supposed to do as a child of G-d. We are asked to be faithful to who He has created us to be and that's it.
And what is it that we are called to do: "Hear, O Israel, the Lord our G-d, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your G-d with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and love your neighbor as yourself." " What is it that the Lord requires of you: to ACT JUSTLY, LOVE MERCY and WALK HUMBLY WITH YOUR G-D."
We all, every single one of us, has been asked to change the world. I cannot do that through policing people's behaviors, morals and values, or even policing my own. The only hope I have of changing the world is through the very virtue of being who I am called to be - embracing my brokenness and my wholeness and living in the paradox that is freedom in Christ. We change the world through just being ourselves passionately following the Master of the Universe. We are being asked to change the world through loving G-d with all we got, and loving our neighbor. We change the world through acting justly, loving mercy and walking humbly with G-d.
In a world, where human microscopes are our daily reality, may we be a people who trust in the lens of G-d's love to give us our value, worth and purpose. May I be a person who rests securely in who I am in Him.
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