On Love, Nashville and Imperfect Words

I need to say something and I'm a bit fearful of the backlash, but fear is not of God, but a tool of the evil one to keep people silent. So here goes my imperfect words...

I spent 18 yrs under the thumb of the SBC and "evangelicals" as a child and never did they speak for me. They definitely never spoke up for me, instead only down to me, allowing atrocities to be perpetrated. They never affirmed anything in me other than my ability to be a sexual object. Overall, Paul's words concerning love were not modeled or lived, in fact the exact opposite was methodically manifested in far reaching ways and the results were physical, psychological and spiritual harm to many, including me. 

The word "evangelical" has been hijacked, warped and manipulated into something that other than sharing the good news of God's love. It's important to note that not all Christians agree with the #NashvilleStatement. I cannot stand with statements that do not reflect the uncontrollable love of Jesus.   I believe in a Jesus who calls followers to preach, teach, and live a #theologyoflove.  Jesus loves ALL! All are worthy to our loving God, not because of adherence to doctrines or ideologies, but simply because of God's grace and mercy. All have access to Jesus & God's love...just as we are! 

I don't have all the answers. I fumble through loving people every single day, but I know that it is my hearts desire to be love and light to all peoples and trust that Jesus, the Spirit and God are bigger than hatred, fear and anything we or they label as sin. And on the day I stand before Jesus, let me accused of loving too much! 

#thirdway #lovewins #BeLove #JudgeNotJustLove

Pastor Without A ...

It has been a while since I have posted. So today let me write about something that I unjustly deal with every single day. It is my gender identity, my femininity and in some ways my sexuality.  Here goes!

I am a pastor. I am mother. I am wife.  I am a sister. I am so many things. And all of those things G_d has known since He knit me together in my mother's womb.  I refuse to lose or give up my femininity because I have been called by G_d to a position that has been unreasonably hijacked by a man-made, male-dominated enterprise for a really long time. I constantly have to defend my role. I hear things like, "Oh, you're a female pastor?" "I didn't know that women could do that," almost daily. I'm asked about what I'm wearing, when I'm going to cut my hair off, if I should show pictures of myself in workout clothes or a swimsuit. I've had men comment on my being pregnant and how it stresses them to have to see their pastor pregnant. (WTF? I don't even know what to think about that one?)

Well, pardon me, but let me be blunt.

It is the dumbest thing in the world to ask me if I'm a female pastor. Do you ask a male pastor if he's male? Do you tell a male pastor to wear a shirt when he's swimming? Do you ask a male pastor to cut his hair because it's too seductive long? Do you even comment about a male pastors outfit on any given day?

Why should I have to hashtag things like #thefemalepastor or #femalepastorsrock? Isn't it obvious? Apparently not! So here's my knew hashtag which I hope points to the stupidity of this all - #PastorWithoutAPenis

Here's the thing. G_d knew I had girly parts. When he called me, G_d knew that I do not have a penis, but instead a vagina. I fought with him for years over that simple fact because I believed the bad theology that was pushed on me. And here's the thing, I am certain that many of you are uncomfortable with me even talking about this, let alone using anatomically correct words to describe physical body parts that were created by G_d, which only adds insult to injury.  And some are probably thinking that this bluntness is exactly why females shouldn't be pastors. It sucks that you feel that way, but here I am running passionately after G_d, refusing to give up who he created me to be.

 

A profession

When someone hasn't put years of blood, sweat and tears or about $200K of their own money  into working towards a professional/personal/spiritual goal or spent over 10 yrs fighting for equal footing in a field dominated by men, it's really easy to suggest not caring or worrying, or walking away because it doesn't matter because there are lots of jobs out there. 

It matters. What I do is not a hobby to just be set aside.  It is a profession like a lawyer or doctor and warrants just as much education and preparation.  It is a call. It is my profession and vocation. I have poured my life into in ways I cannot even measure. 

The road has been hard. I have had to die to so many of my own ideas/wants. I have had to submit to people/programs/policies that I haven't 100% agreed with or enjoyed. I've had to wait longer than my male colleagues. I've had to jump through, not just the hoops all male pastors do, but extra hoops held 10 ft higher and lit on fire and then lick my own wounds acquired from the burns...despite all that...it matters. 

The call of God on my life matters and it is worth the fight!

Can We Stop Being Judgmental Pricks?

I was skimming Facebook the other day and I was struck by how many posts by churches, organizations and even just people that were flooded with unnecessary comments from people who are not affiliated with them. Of course, most of these comments were judgmental, negative, anti-something, policing in nature, etc.  And since I, myself, have been victim of "good Christian folk" just thinking they have the right to police me, well, this is all just rubbing me the wrong way.  So here you go and note that I am writing in plural...lumping myself in the middle of all this because I am not perfect and G-d knows I'm guilty of this:

Stop it! Stop being judgmental pricks! Just stop! 

You know, Church (universal), if we spent half the time worrying about our own crap, our own message, our own behavior, our own mission, as we do worrying about what other churches or people are doing or the message we think they're giving or how what they're doing might make us look ...we might actually make a difference in the world! 

It's absolutely shameful that people who have no intention of attending, partnering with or encouraging another body of Christ feel it is their responsibility to police that other body. Likewise, it's shameful when brothers and sisters in Christ feel they have the right to police individuals for the language they use or for drinking or whatever.   Sometimes we act like a bunch of bullies! Like the Pharisees that Jesus called out for the pious, legalistic, judgmental and hypocritical ways. "Let you who has no sin throw the first stone." But we're like the Pharisees, we like to throw those who aren't doing things the way we want or we would out...naked...hoping that they are stoned to death. 

It's our judgment towards one another that makes us a joke! We are not all supposed to look alike. We aren't even supposed to think alike beyond our shared love for Jesus.  We all approach ministry differently as we should be.

If there's a church out there that you don't go to and you have no intention of going to because you don't like them anyways, why are you trolling their media? Why do you feel it necessary to intervene or give your opinion? It's not your faith community, leave it alone! Quite frankly, it ain't your business! If you think they've done something out of line, guess what? 1) you are not the judge and 2) Jesus is. He'll deal with it. He doesn't need your help, your defense, your gossip and he definitely doesn't need your hatred. In fact, Jesus says love your enemies. It's sad, that another Church can be our enemy, but hey, our actions show that to be true.  

So Church, can we just stop? Stop being judgmental pricks? Stop thinking that we have the right to police one another? Stop trolling Churches that we have no intention of going to? Stop telling people what they should or shouldn't say as a fellow Christian? Stop judging people for doing things that we wouldn't do?  Can we just stop? 

Can we instead be the followers of Christ that He called? You know, the ones that are known by their love for one another? The ones that even though they are different, they honor one another. The ones that don't gossip about one another. The ones that don't slander and judge one another.  The ones that see God in every human being no matter how different they are.  

Psalm 54

SCRIPTURE:

"Save me, O God, by your name; vindicate me by your might. Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth.  Arrogant foes are attacking me; ruthless people are trying to kill me--people without regard for God. Surely God is my help; the Lord is the one who sustains me. Let evil recoil on those who slander me; in your faithfulness destroy them. I will sacrifice a freewill offering to you; I will praise your name, Lord, for it is good. You have delivered me from all my troubles, and my eyes have looked in triumph on my foes."  

Psalm 54 

THOUGHTS: 

I struggle with passages like this because they speak curses over people and in our crazy world we justify them as righteous. Yet, they stand in stark contridiction to Jesus' "love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you." It wasn't until I began to admit that David (the author of this Psalm) was human just like me that I realized that David was simply writing from his heart, his experience, his story...from his brokenness, his imperfections. 

How many times have I cried out to God to save me? How many times have a questioned if He really hears my prayers? How many times have I felt as if the entire world is against me? How many times have I been slandered? How many times have I thrown people under the bus before God? They are so vast. I cannot count them.

David's words are human. They are sadly normal to the human condition.  They are the words that each and every one of us mumble when we are in pain or when being attacked. We all utter curses when we are uncomfortable, when we are being maligned, or when things aren't going our way.  I can identify with that and I can intellectually admit that David was lamenting and even word-vomiting to God, an ancient form of journaling to express his inward emotions - a coping mechanism for the drama of his life.  

What is true is that God does rescue from trouble. God is our help, but His help almost never comes in the way we expect or anticipate. He is faithful; even in our unfaithfulness. Jesus calls us to love our enemies. It's a high calling, but our enemies are also made in the very image of God. As we lament our enemies, it's completely possible that they lament their enemies (us) to the very same God and Creator. He is faithful to those who call upon His name.

ACTION:

Perhaps we should love and pray for our enemies, not to change, but to draw close to their Creator? Perhaps we should speak blessings and not curses? Perhaps becoming more like Jesus means we make space for our enemies at His table?  I fail at this often. I must try better. 

Making Excuses

"Produce fruit in keeping with REPENTANCE. And do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham."

 Luke 3:8

 

How often do we make excuses? How often do you tell ourselves or others that although we know something to be right, we don't have to do it? Or that it's not for us? 

Nearly every day I seem to have this conversation with my children.  I'll tell one of them to complete their chore and they will come up with every excuse as to why they cannot. It's time for soccer. It's time to do homework.  It's bedtime. It's always something they perceive to be better than chores, although they'll eventually complain about those very things too. This doesn't just happen at home. As pastor's kids, they seem to adjust very well to using the excuse, "I'm the child of Pastor Sharon," when they are told to not be in a specific area or when they are asked to help with something.  Don't get me wrong. My kids are fantastic. We all get comfortable and want to avoid anything that incites change, that isn't what we want or that is just plain work.  We ALL make excuses.  It's nothing new, in fact, John the Baptist spends sometime addressing this very issue. 

This morning the text above came to my mind. Here's a fuller picture:  

"The word of God came to John in the desert. He went into all the country around the Jordan, preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins.  As is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet: A voice of one calling in the desert, 'Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him. Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low. The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth. And all mankind will see God's salvation.' John said to the crowds coming out to be baptized by him, 'You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, 'We have Abraham as our father.' For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire."  (Luke 3:2-9) 

The Israelites were coming to John out of a sense of obligation. They were good at being religious and they were good at being children of Abraham; to the point that they used that reality as an excuse to keep from doing the things they were called to do.  They had a superiority complex. They were better than everyone else. They had what they believed was the right way.  They had acquired a power that was not theirs to have and their actions were not God honoring.  They were comfortable with saying "We are children of Abraham, we shouldn't have to. Repentance isn't for us. We haven't done anything wrong." 

The Israelites were coming for this baptism for all the wrong reasons.  John, in essence, tells them "No. Coming to this baptism is about the Kingdom. It's about repentance and fixing things. It's about reconciling - making straight paths and smoothing out what is rough. And you can no longer sit back on your rear-end and say 'I'm a child of Abraham. The promise is mine. I don't need repentance.' Jesus is bringing about a Kingdom and He will raise up repentant hearts that know the true heart of Abraham.  Not because of blood lines, but because they seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, producing fruit in keeping with repentance.  The rocks on the ground are more obedient than you." 

Ouch! John was bold, but he was bold because he knew something to be true.  We find the Kingdom of God through repentance and reconciliation. It is there in that work that God invites us to join Him.  Second Corinthians 5 says, "all this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of RECONCILIATION." We are to repent, be reconciled to God, so that we can repent and be reconciled to one another. His Kingdom come, His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. 

A Hardened Heart

Yesterday, I had the privilege of allowing an up-and-coming leader to teach from my pulpit. Raising up leaders, equipping them, and giving them space to explore their gifts and talents is one of my favorite parts of being a Lead Pastor.  This gentlemen shared at length the things that G-d had laid on his heart. One thing in particular has sat with me through the night and into this morning causing my heart to stir and words to come forth.  He spoke of the hardening of our hearts.  "Our hardened heart is our responsibility. No one else can fix it, in fact we can't fix it. Only Jesus can."  He proposed that seeking the Kingdom of God and Jesus is the only thing that will fix a hardened heart.  He's right. Embracing repentance and seeking reconciliation are Kingdom requirements. Jesus brings his Kingdom and it is revealed in those very things. Joining Jesus in that work is the only thing that will breathe life back into a dead, hardened heart because these things are the very essence of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. 

So how do you know if you have a hardened heart? 

It's in the clinching of your fists, 

the scowling of your face, 

the whispers of death in your breath. 

It's in the words that you speak 

and the words that you can't 

because deep down 

you know

they are wrong. 

A hardened heart closes your mind 

and shrinks your world

building walls of division.

It suffocates the Spirit's work in your life 

and feels like a ton of bricks 

sitting in your chest. 

It shows itself in the piercing glances 

producing a fear-driven reality. 

A hardened heart speaks lies to you 

when you look in the mirror 

or even just when you slow down to think. 

A hardened heart refuses to be wrong

refuses to forgive

refuses to let go.

A hardened heart cannot see truth.  

So what do you do if you're brave enough to see your hardened heart? 

If your heart is hardened, you have only two options: 

1) Jesus' way which is found all over the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7) - to humble yourself, die to the hardened heart's desire for death, repent and reconcile. 

...or...

2) continue to live in the bondage of that hardened heart until it squeezes all semblance of life from your bones and you're left bitter, frozen, cold with no vision and with no hope. Pharoah's hardened heart led him straight to his death. 

But it's your responsibility to make that choice. You can't blame someone else for your hardened heart and the consequences of it. 

While your hardened heart will keep you from perceiving spiritual truth, you must allow yourself to see physical truth of your reality and you have speak it.  Is the hardness towards a person? towards a place? towards an event? towards something else? How deep does this run? How thick have the hard walls of your heart been bullt? Are they continuing to thicken? 

Be attentive to any cracks, any places that light has burst through the stone because those places are the Kingdom calling out to your heart. This is hope! Run towards those places and seek repentance and reconciliation trusting the promise of Jesus.  

But perhaps you can't see any light? Perhaps you feel mostly dead and frozen on the inside? Perhaps being near that person, or place or thing, only serves to harden your heart more. If that's the case, then removing yourself from the situation is the most loving thing you can do for others, but I do not think it's the most loving thing you can do for yourself. Choosing the Kingdom and death to that hardened heart is the most loving thing for yourself. Jesus warns against a hardened heart and calls us to repentance. He calls us to be a reconciled people. Jesus promises new life, a new heart, a new breath, but we have to be willing participants! 

I Am Fearful

Yesterday, a friend and I were talking.  She said something that made me shrink back for a moment.  She said, "Sharon, people aren't like you. Most people just aren't like you. Most people are fearful and they get paralyzed. You, you have no fear."  I looked at this person for a second and I pondered her statement because what she doesn't see is the fear that litters my mind on a daily basis.

I had to stop and think for a second because her perspective is just as valid as mine.  She sees me differently than I see myself and both of our views are real, true experiences; so somewhere in the middle has to be a Truth that acknowledges both realities.

I am a strong woman.  I roll up my sleeves and quite frankly I get sh*t done. There are not many obstacles that I cannot find a way around or over and I don't stop because the road is hard or taking too long.  I am not a quitter.  Perhaps these are the things my friend sees. But she doesn't see the fearfulness that is inside of me. Reality check: I am fearful.

Here's the thing. Every day I am fearful.  I am fearful about what people will think of me. I'm fearful that I won't be enough. I'm fearful that I will mess up. I am fearful that I...I...I...and this brings me to a realization - most of our fears are about ourselves. They are about our own comfortability or our own pride. On any given day, the fears that come to my mind are always about me.  If I fear a change in my job, the fear is of what it means for me. If I fear losing my home, the fear surrounds what I'm gonna do.  Fear is a me problem.

My friend was right. Fear paralyzes us.  We remain in the crappiest of situations because we fear change, because it easier to stay the same than to change.  What my friends sees as lack of fear in me, I guess I would see as fear under submission.  Let me explain.

Fear is about myself and when I am fearful, I have to remind myself that life is not about me. My faith calls me to lay down my life, my desires, my will for the sake of others.  In those moments that I am paralyzed by fear, I recall the words of Jesus when he said, "greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends" (John 15:13) or "if any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from  your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me." (Matthew 16:24) Fear has it's roots in selfishness. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-disicpline." (2 Timothy 1:7) 

Fear is not of God and daily I fight it, as I'm sure you do too. It's not that I am not fearful. I fear all the time and all the time I remind myself that my calling is to love with wreckless abandon of myself. 

Same Old, Same Old

 

As a pastor, I always feel a pressure to do church the way it's always been done by the men before me. And I say men because in my ministry experience, it has been men before me. I wasn't raised in a tradition that affirmed women as equal, not in the home and certainly not in the Church.  Today, I find myself in a denomination that beautifully affirms the work of the Spirit in both women and men. Although there are always individuals who behave otherwise, I have found a home that embraces my call.  Anyways, I always feel the pressure to do church the way it's always been done, to stick within the box and behave as those before me.  This is true of every pastor. Every single one.

That pressure to remain the same dominates most conversations and meetings; however, if we continue to do church the way that it's always been done, then we will get the same results and with time those results will exacerbate and death is inevitable. I'm not necessarily talking about an individual church, although this is true of every body, including my own; but this morning I'm thinking Church universal. 

The Church has lost its prophetic voice. We have settled in fear and comfort-ability. The Church has lost its relevance (and yes, we are supposed to matter to the world); perhaps a better word is that the Church has lost its credibility because we have lost all authenticity. 

At the end of the day, 

I'm not called to the status quo. 

I am called to the mountain top 

     by way of valleys. 

I'm not called to just squeak by on the paths traversed before.

I am called to blaze trails as I run passionately after Jesus 

    and His children in this world. 

I am called to be a city on a hill shining brightly 

and we don't do that with the same old, same old 

because the same old, same old 

has not shined for years. 

It's wick has been extinguished. 

This world needs the Church...

to live out the freedom that we say we have in Christ. 

Our believe and our behave don't match 

because we are 

burdened, 

bogged down, 

bound in slavery 

to the past

be it in 

habits, 

rituals 

or debt. 

This world needs the Church...

to be 

authentically 

broken 

and 

transparently 

redeemed!

The Lights of Vegas

"You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." 

Matthew 5:14-16 

     The Light of the world has come. The Light, being the very Word, became flesh and dwelt among us, and yet that Light expected something of the very creation It came to shine upon.  The One who called light into existence, who placed the stars in the sky and brightened all of creation, calls Its recipients "the light of the world." This Original Light that illuminates is meant to be illuminated in each of us.  Jesus, the Light of the world has come and not only has He said, "whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life," (John 8:12) He has called us "the light of the world."  

We are the light of the world.  

We carry something that is undefinable 

                   and so indescribable. 

We cannot put words to what it means to be a light, 

except to say that this light, 

the light of Jesus equals love. 

And yet, 

when we say love, 

we have no way to adequately express 

              the full breadth of the word.  

What is love? 

What is light? 

I can't say entirely, 

but I can say 

when I see it, I know it  

When I see it, I'm drawn to it, 

         like a moth to a flame  

When I see it, my spirit is warmed by it 

         and it calls me by name, 

drawing me in 

When I see it, I long for it 

And when I touch it, 

    the flame is ignited in me 

and I become the light of the world

A vessel carrying something completely indescribable

A vessel carrying hope  

So why do the lights of Vegas shine brighter than me? than you? than us? 

Yes, of course, they are glass tubes filled with neon and argon, pumped full of electricity, artifically lit. Yes, they were delicately heated, bent and molded to be sculpted into lights that shine for ages, lights that radiate and draw their onlookers in. It is undeniable; the lights of Vegas they do their job.  And I can't help but wonder, if we too aren't delicately heated, bent and molded to be sculpted into lights that shine for ages. But that's just it, if the lights of Vegas shine brighter than The Original Light living in us, than maybe we haven't truly been heated, bent and molded by that Light.  

There is no clearer place in the world to see lights put on stand for everyone to see than Las Vegas.  In complete darkness there is no dark.  And the metaphor of light is lost to those who bear the name of The Original Light, standing on corners with signs joining the darkness and condemning the created light that has figured out how to shine brighter than The Original Light within them; as if the lights of Vegas have somehow wronged The Original Light and it's theirs to judge.  

These signs speak nothing into a world of complete darkness that contains no dark and perhaps are actually perceived as darkness themselves. The signs that stand in judgment are the bowl that hides the Light of the world contained within us. They are not shining a light into darkness; instead, they are submitting to the darkness as the shadow of the towering signs extinguishes the light that is within those holding them. 

We cannot control this Light, yet we often think we can.  We cannot do the work of heating and molding it, even though we try. We can only simply submit to the flame and let it shine in ways we never imagined.  The Original Light ignites in us a light that is meant to be a city on a hill, a beacon of hope and love that calls out to darkness and lives in the midst of darkness, lighting the world. 

We are meant to be the lights of Vegas.  

And we in our brokenness have dimmed the Light.  

Jesus forgive us. Lord, have mercy.